Decisions, Decisions

     I am spending the last day of actually being in our apartment catching up on my thoughts before we hit the road again in the morning. We spent this summer in travel mode. We traveled across the States, and Andy traveled to Ireland for 10 days to find the town we will live in and the ministries we will serve. We have been back in Casper for exactly a week and a half. Just enough time to gather our thoughts reflect on decisions we have made and make some big new decisions.

                                                                                                                                        Decision #1: Submit
     I know, I know...that word! It makes my toes curl and my body tense. It even makes this modern American wife barf a little in my mouth. But to me I think I am learning what that word really means and what it doesn't. It does not mean subservient, shutting down your feelings or being blindly obedient as if you don't matter. I just can't make myself be the wife that puts on a fake, smile (with my teeth tightly clenched behind my trembling pursed lips) meekly saying "whatever you say, dear".  God knew what he was doing when He gave me the husband I have. He would never demand anything of me or make me do anything I didn't feel good about. He really does care what this opinionated girl thinks. He sometimes even thinks me wise and insightful...I've got him fooled.
      It's funny, a couple days ago I was spending time with my friend, Kim. She was trying to figure out what the deal was with the idea of submission and exactly what that looks like in her life...like I was. She asked me what I thought it meant.
     For me what submission means is relinquishing my self-centered, only child, "I know best in all situations" will. Its a matter of releasing control and being totally and completely OK with things not always going my way or by my plan, agenda, likes and dislikes. OK, yeah...that was hard to say....even harder to do. It is also allowing my husband, son, friends etc. to do things on their own and not try to save them from every mistake with my advice or intervention. This is so hard to do sometimes because I can be arrogant enough to think I can actually do it all myself so it can get done "right"...whatever that means.

     I tested this submission thing when Andy went to Ireland. I decided to not go with him although I really wanted to. He never asked me not to go, he was actually expecting me to go. I really just wanted him to have uninterrupted time to pray and truly seek God's will for our mission. I knew that if I went I would be so tempted to insert my will into all aspects of the process from where to serve to what town to live in. I know me well enough to know that I will always seek the most comfortable situation....for me. I really wanted God to decide and not me. I just stayed at my mom's with Quinn and prayed for his quest. That, for me, was submission to God and faith in my husband to follow God's lead. He needed to do this, not me, not this time. It was hard. I hated it....well...OK...it did feel kind of good not to have to be in control.  I don't know why it should seem so hard because when I do choose "my way" and force everyone else to go along with it, I never seem to get the results I am hoping for anyway.....go figure.

                                                                                   Decision #2 Where We Will Live in Ireland

     While Andy was in Ireland we planned to communicate via Skype every day of his trip so he could let me know how things were shaping up. That didn't go according to plan either. Hurricanes, power outages and just plain bad signals kept our communication to a minimum. On the 9th day of the trip, Andy emailed me that he knew where we were supposed to live and that he would Skype me later when he got back to the hotel. I couldn't wait! I hope it was someplace dreamy sounding with a big castle nearby. Swords sounded so Camelot, I liked that. What about Limerick, that sounds very Irish or Shannon, very romantic. We couldn't get Skype to work so Andy went to a nearby pub to Instant Message me. I was so excited...
Andy logged on and said "hello" and began to type the name of the town we would be living in. Here it comes, I thought. The anticipation was killing me! Andy clicked send....and I quickly read the name of the unfamiliar town. DUNGHOLE! Seriously!?! I gave up everything and I am moving to Dunghole! Oh great, I get to live in the dunghole of Ireland....it just figures. Then I reread the message....it said Dungloe not Dunghole. Andy explained that it is pronounced (Dune-'low)....whew...that's better. It is a town of about 2000 on the northwest coast on the Atlantic ocean. It looks very sweet, not like a dunghole at all.


Decision #3 Letting Go and Facing the Obvious
When we returned to Casper a week and a half ago we sat down and regrouped after all the travel and planning. We realized that we have been paying rent on an apartment that we have used for 2 weeks this summer. That is a really expensive storage unit. So we have decided to move out at the end of November, after our upcoming trip to Idaho and Oregon. Where will we live? Wherever! Since we spend most of our time on the road anyway, we will get a small storage unit in Indy and be loosely based out of my mom's house. We will mostly be on the road and hopping between friends, family, missionary housing and towns with churches interested in our mission. We are praying about making our final move overseas in 2012. This will be an interesting time for us. Not having a place of our own will be strange. Lucky for us we have dear friends that have been in the same spot and fellow missionaries that are living a similar lifestyle that can help support us. I am learning how to let go of "things" and live out of Rubbermaid containers and suitcases.

Quinn is so unfazed by all the travel.He actually likes it.  He talks about all the people he has met and played with. Because we return to so many places as well, he loves seeing his friends and family over and over again!

Anyone who has advice about how to pack for this new lifestyle of ours, please leave comments. We need all the input we can get from what not to forget to keep with us to tips on making everywhere seem a little like home!

Weathering Life's Storms

Last night we returned from a marathon trip east for a few appointments for our mission and to visit friends and family. We had a great time and were thrilled that we were able to visit family and friends in NY, MI, IL and IN. Quinn had a ball with his cousin, friends and grandparents that spoiled him silly! What could be better for a happy 3 year old! 

On our way back to WY we ran into some trouble through Nebraska. We pulled off the highway to gas up and take Quinn to potty (again...) and noticed that the skies looked pretty black to the North. We were only about 100 miles from our hotel and this was our last stop. By the time we finished, the black sky was directly over us so we hurried back in the car and got back on the highway. As we were merging into traffic, we heard the tornado sirens going off all around us. We had to make a quick decision. We could either get back off the highway and hunker down until the storm passed or hightail it for the golf ball sized blue sky on the western horizon that we figured was about 20 miles away. We did what we Kohlers do, and hit the gas!
Andy said "I am going to keep my eye on that spot of blue sky and I need you to look to the north for funnel clouds." Every muscle and sphincter in my body tightened as I began my watch. Quinn didn't even notice...he was safe with mommy and daddy. There were layers of dark clouds overhead that were travelling in different directions. The trees and grass were being bent over by the wind to the SW but the low, dark clouds directly overhead were quickly travelling to the NE.  Andy said "that is a recipe for disaster." We kept on heading for that ever growing blue ball of sky even though the wind was rocking our car. Finally there was a break in the sky, the big fluffy white clouds on the horizon were filtering beautiful sunbeams and the darkness was in the rear view mirror. We beat the storm.
When we made it to our hotel I got on the laptop and discovered that there had been tornadoes on 'INTERSTATE 80 BETWEEN MILE MARKERS 357 AND 364' which included the station at which we stopped for gas. It kind of knocked me back a bit when I realized that we just outran a tornado and I felt a sudden surge of gratefulness. Thank you, God!
This got me thinking about the storms we all face in life and how we deal with them.
One of our stops on our trip was to Michigan to visit our dear friends the Williams for a couple of days and see what life was like for them living and working at a Children's Home lovingly caring for 5 teen boys. They gave up everything including their home and possessions to relocate to an unfamiliar state far from home to serve God by being house parents for a gaggle of kids. We were excited to see them and share in their experience. The first night we were there we all gathered around a bonfire, had s'mores, talked, laughed and sang songs to God with the Williams family and their 5 boys. What a great night! It was apparent that even though they experienced plenty of ups and downs caring for teen boys, the Williams provided a safe, loving and Godly home for them. They loved the boys and the boys loved the Williams family. We were excited to see them and sample a bit of what their life was like. What we didn't know was that an unexpected storm was brewing in their life and we were going to be there when it hit.
The next day, the Williams family was fired from their job as house parents with no warning and no tact. The excuse given was cold, slanderous, heartless and unjust (in my opinion) and my suspicion is that the true reason was nothing more than a personality clash. Not only were the boys devastated, the Williams family found themselves in the eye of a serious storm. They were given mere days to pack up what little they still owned and leave the home they had created for the boys that needed and loved them. It was so unfair. It made me angry, sad and devastated for them. But one thing was true, this storm was bad and we needed to pitch in along side of their loving church family to help clean up the aftermath. I believe God designed our trip to fall when this happened. We love the Williams and were blessed to be there for them during their storm. While trying to grieve and deal with the betrayal they felt (not to mention the concern for the boys), they gathered their belongings with grace, held their heads high and moved on faithfully knowing that God still had their best in mind. They weathered their storm.

"He stilled the storm to a whisper; the waves of the sea were hushed."             Psalm 107:29

Lets face it, storms suck. We all face them in our lives whether it be the loss of a job, loss of a loved one, tragedy, illness, or countless others. God never promises that we wont face storms, but through our faith in Jesus we can weather them.

"Then he got into the boat and his disciples followed him. Suddenly a furious storm came up on the lake, so that the waves swept over the boat. But Jesus was sleeping. The disciples went and woke him, saying, “Lord, save us! We’re going to drown!”
He replied, “You of little faith, why are you so afraid?” Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm.
The men were amazed and asked, “What kind of man is this? Even the winds and the waves obey him!” -Matthew 8:23-27

Mommy's Sweetest Moment Ever

It was 19 years ago today that I married my knight in a shiny Bills hat and I have hardly regretted it at all! He usually tells the same joke about our marriage. "We have been married for 19 years ...and 7 of them have been fantastic!".  I let Andy know that the next time he tells that joke to a group of people that don't know us and surely don't get our humor, that my response will be "...yeah, those 7 years you were in prison were my favorite years too!" That ought to hush him up.

   All kidding aside, I don't think we could have found a better match. It's not that we are so alike or so very different but we balance out each other's strengths and weaknesses. For instance when I cry, he comforts me. When he falls off the treadmill on his face, I laugh hysterically and it takes his mind off the extreme pain. So, you get the point. .

  

OK I think I just had my best mommy moment ever today! The boys let me sleep in (ahhh sweet luxury) and when I awoke from my slumber I came down stairs to my first ever flower picked just for me by my baby boy! I really am a mommy now! I made sure to grab the camera and capture the moment before my little yellow dandelion wilted. Quinn was so proud. He had to check on it several times throughout the day. After his nap he checked it again and it was beginning to close up. We had the talk about flowers going night night and he seemed satisfied.

I love my boys...both of them. I am blessed beyond what I deserve!

Cooking With Quinn

Our book club has been reading My Life in France by Julia Child and it has inspired me to encourage Quinn's interest in cooking with mommy. He is very good in a classroom setting, has great focus and loves a challenge. He also has a close friend, Luigi, that developed his own brand of marinara at the tender age of 1...so why not! What could it hurt? The following is a sampling of dialog from our latest session including detailed translations for those that may not have as much culinary savvy as Quinn.

QUINN: "Quinny need a towel"

TRANSLATION: "Mother, remember that 2 cups of milk you gave me to pour in? It now measures about 1/3 of a cup..and...well, I told you I needed a towel."

QUINN: "Cheese flies way high!"                     

TRANSLATION: "Mummy, in a brief moment of excitement I flung the 1/2 cup of cheese you entrusted me with about the kitchen. Spoiler alert: you will later find shreds in odd places including various corners you rarely clean, your hair and a few in my Yo Gabba Gabba briefs."

QUINN: "Spoon is swimming in there"

TRANSLATION: "Oh, mom, I inadvertently and completely submerged the spoon in the liquid hot magma boiling on the stove. I fear you will need to fish it out with your fingers before we commence."

QUINN: "I pee pee on potty and get chocolate"

TRANSLATION: "Mother of my heart, I so appreciate the kind reward of M&Ms for my performance on the potty. So much so, I left 3 floating in the dish of cheesy potatoes we are preparing.....mmmmm chocolate."

Oh well, it all goes to the same place anyway. We will just enjoy our chocolate cheesy potatoes as both a side dish and a dessert. I applaud his generosity in sharing his reward and his flair for creative and innovative cooking. Maybe we will sign him up for the next season of Top Chef. I am going to go get the cheese out of my hair now.

Percentages for Dummies

The Christmas season left us well rested, well fed and well loved. I still can’t wrap my mind around the fact that it is 2011 and my baby boy will be 3 in 3 days. He has asked for a birthday tree and a chocolate crocodile cake. I don’t know where he comes up with this stuff but I am willing to give it a shot. Thanks to the post holiday sales I was able to snag a $5 white “birthday” tree and I will have to wing the cake.

Being a currently fundraising future missionary, we have been doing a lot of measuring our progress by percentages. For instance: our mission is 40% funded for our monthly expenses and 100% funded for our transitional expenses …yada yada yada. The problem is that now my mind has been measuring daily life by percentages.

Heres what I mean:

100%- the amount I miss living near my friends and family…enough said

99.5%- The percentage I am sure my sister in law gave Quinn a VTech keyboard and DJ station for Christmas because she knew we would slowly be driven mad. It comes complete with a microphone (that is not actually sung into but inserted into his gob). There is also a way to record your singing and play it to a variety of musical genres including hip-hop, techno and reggae… over and over and over… . Let me try to explain what that sounds like. Get yourself a boiled egg. Now stick it in your mouth…that’s right…all the way in. Now, sing “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star” as loud as you possibly can…now get yourself a fresh beat for background music....you got it! Thanks Melinda.

99.4%- Chance Quinn has of never becoming the next American Idol…but it could be much higher

76.9%- Percentage of possessions that Andy sold last summer that I actually know about. I should just be grateful I still have Quinn and both my kidneys.

33%- Percentage of necessary information given by Andy when he is explaining plans he has made for us. Yeah, he never quite gets why I don’t understand what is going on. It must have sounded better in his head.

8.4%- The amount of understanding Quinn has of the true meaning of Christmas. I asked who’s birthday was on Christmas. He said " Cheesus baby”.

2%- The chance I have to be the cool mom among Quinn’s friends. Since we became parents a bit later in life, I expect to hear when picking him up from activities “Hey, Quinn, your grandma is here!” This is also the percentage of excitement I have for turning 41 in a couple of weeks.

.03%- the amount of interest Quinn has in potty training…waaaaaa!!!!