Illuminated Reading

Have you ever known one of those people that is on a never ending quest to find something? I'm not talking about some quest for enlightenment or a sort of spiritual journey, but some little doohickey or what-not that they think they can't live without. I am one of those people. As my friends know, I had a problem a while back with collecting lip glosses/ lip balms in my search for the perfect one. It couldn't be too sticky, too slimy, too glitter gritty, wear off too easy, too colored and had to smell and taste right. I had to go to cosmetic rehab after finding over 20 of these tubes in various corners of my life, most of which had only been used once. I was able to kick the habit, give them away all to dry lipped friends and force myself to finish a whole tube. I am feeling much better now and my lips are doing fine.

My latest obsession is much less frequent and has spanned a much longer period of time: my search for the perfect booklight. I have a bedtime ritual, like most people i.e., washing the face, brushing the teeth, applying ample amounts of night moisturizer on my 39 year old face, etc. I top my ritual off in bed with a few chapters from a good book. Since my husband has long been in the Land of Nod by this time, I require a light just bright enough to illuminate my pages but not wake my precious from his well deserved sleep.

There are many on the market and while I was still working at the bookstore I had access to many varieties. This is when the collecting began. I tried the Mighty Bright, the Itty Bitty Booklight, and many other brands. They seemed to be just great at first until my standards were eventually compromised by their performance. Some drained their battery life about every other night, some only lit one page causing me to have to shift it each time I navigated to a new page, some had to be readjusted each time I turned a page, some had snakelike tubes you could adjust just so until you noticed that your head was casting a shadow on the page, some had LED lights that cast a strange purple beam, some had multiple brightness settings that the bright was too bright and the dim was too dim (of course), I have tried to clip them to books, pages and even my glasses.....sigh. There are even forums on the Internet dedicated to people just like me on the same quest. They have posts about what didn't work or what they hated about this one or that, but apparently when they find the right one, they don't return to the forum and let the rest of us know. (most likely because they are too busy reading with their perfect booklight)

My latest light has done OK for me for the last few months but I am sure it is noticing I have become concerned with our relationship. This one boasted a clip that was big enough to clip to my headboard. Brilliant! The only problem I had was that I would occasionally bump the clip in the night and send it flying with a loud smack as it detached from the bed. One night it came unclipped as I was reading and fell behind the headboard and under the bed, just out of reach. With the light still on, I decided to leave it there until morning as not to awaken Andy. As I lay in bed the light from under the bed glowed and gave the feeling that I was laying on an enormous halo. I couldn't sleep. Back to the drawing board.

Last night Andy came home a night early from hiking after having been chased out of the Wind River Range by killer mosquitoes (see AndrewKohler.blogspot.com for more details on this exciting adventure). As he was unpacking his gear, I noticed a curious little contraption I had never seen before. It was a headlamp. Hmmmm....it's worth a try. I tried it on and wore it around the house to get used to it before beginning my bedtime routine. It has a peach pit sized light that rests on your forehead with three settings.

1. Dim: the gentle setting....seems like it might be just right!

2. Bright: this setting reminds me of the lights that beam from helicopters that shine on the ground during a prison break.

3. Hazard: the bright light set to flash. I guess it might come in handy if I get a paper cut reading and am so weak from the pain that I need to alert Andy to run and get me a Hello Kitty band aid

Anyway, I tried it last night and it seemed to work like a dream. I only found 2 problems with it, hopefully I can live with them.

1. It leaves a red elastic mark on your forehead that you hope will be gone by morning

2. Forgetting you have it on and setting it to high

This latter point revealed itself twice last night. The first time- I went in to check on Quinn and he jerked awake and looked at me like I was an alien coming to abduct him!

The second time- I walked into the bedroom and my husband looked at me through squinty eyes and said "Your High Beams are on!". "Huh?", I said, as I stood there in the dark clutching my boobs. I slowly realized that he was talking about the headlamp!

Quinn the Thumbless Wonderboy

When I was a kid, my grandmother (like all good grandmothers) instilled a fear in me that I will have to live with forever. Besides leaping from dark corners in the night and trying to scare me by calling the "booger man" from the very pits of Hades to suck the essence out of my brain, she apparently also blessed me with the gene for dramatics (as you can well see). Every time I had a headache, she told me it was a brain tumor. When my tummy hurt she said I had a poop stuck crossways. Pepto Bismol was dessert at grandma's house.

So, today I cut my son's thumb off.

(have you already forgotten what I said about being dramatic?)

As I was dressing Quinn in his ever so cute lobster Gianni hand-me-down swim trunks for a day at the spray park (that never actually happened due to a downpour that nearly caused our garage to float down the street), I realized that his nails were getting way too long (inching toward drag queen long). I , grabbed the super duper owie proof , plastic enclosed baby nail clippers and went to work. Of course they were shaped like a little alligator and Quinn felt he should grab them as I was squeezing down on his thumbnail. Holy mother, I clipped the skin on the end of his thumb! Blood! Tears! Panic! I rinsed it off, and put pressure on it with a paper towel, still I couldn't get the bleeding to stop. Oh, no....my child is a hemophiliac! He is certain to bleed to death. At this point he became frustrated with my applying pressure to the wound that I learned in my DFS CPR class and he began to wiggle and cry. More blood, blood on my shirt, blood on my pants, blood on the floor...It looked like OJ was here.....think, think, how much blood in a baby's body? My heart starts beating palpitations of panic, cold sweats, nausea. Will all his precious life blood drain out this tiny snip in his thumb?!? 10 min goes by, still bleeding, 15 min, 20.....I have killed my child!!!!

21min.....all is well. Blood stopped. Heart rate slowing. Sorry about the OJ reference. What am I going to do if he really hurts himself someday. THANKS GRANDMA!!!!!